Thanks for visiting my site!
I'm going to attempt to update my site a little. It has been a difficult decade, and an even more difficult year. My desire to play has diminished to nothing. With all my disabilities and drugs they have me on, I got nuttin!
So, I have been trying to remedy the lack of interest. I bought a new 7-String (Ibey of course! lol) and I've been trying to build a new studio. Goin old style!! I bought a Tascam DA-88 (from the 90's!), Alesis Studio Recording Mixing Board, New Monitors and all the fixins (cables and accessories). I also have a new MacBook that I bought because they're by far superior to Windows machines when it comes to Pro Audio Applications! So I should have the best of both worlds when it comes to Digital Hi-Fi and Lo-Fi recording. I miss the hell out of the old recording machines and I'll probably pick up another (or a couple more) DA-88's so I'll be able to expand my system from 8 to 16/24
tracks. The things are cheap as hell now, so might as well!
So wish me luck and send some positive energies my way! I could use it!
My life has been pretty shit for the most part. Like I’ve been dealt aces and eights every hand, losing to the dealer’s royal flush! Every time I turn around, there seems to be a brand new shadow on the horizon.
I am so ready for it to just be over! Don’t worry, I’m not going to off myself anytime soon! You just get to a point to where you say: “Fuck it!” and you’re ready to take whatever nature has to offer. While I’m still here though…
I have dealt with ADHD my entire life! Between that, depression, and anxiety, I have always been a recipe for disaster. I had been previously treated for ADHD, and very successfully! Unfortunately, I stopped taking those meds back in 2020 for some reason. Since then, I had been on those nasty opiates, and my depressions took over as my evil source. Now add to that a handful of meds every morning to treat all of my ailments, and everything went downhill from there. To make matters worse, I couldn’t concentrate, or focus, on anything. I’d think of something that needed to be done, and would start getting up to do it. While getting up, 12 more things that need to be done would pop into my head, overwhelming me to the point of saying fuck it again, and I’d lay right back down, getting absolutely nothing done! My med doc put me on Modafinil to try and keep me awake during the day, but it did nothing unless I actually got up and started moving around!
I doubt anyone is actually reading all of this, but I’m typing it anyway! lol
I recently was FINALLY able to talk my med doc into putting me back on ADHD medication, but it didn’t come easy. Apparently, science still doesn’t recognize ADHD as a valid condition. Add to that my last psych eval stated that my ADHD was most likely due to underlying issues; such as my medications I was on. It didn’t matter that I’ve had the condition since I was a very young child and wasn’t on medications! I swear, my mother must have gotten high af every day while pregnant with me!
Long story long, I talked him into prescribing it to me, again, and it has been an enormous help in my every day life! My depression has gone down (it will never go away) after stopping the opiates, my testosterone levels are rising, and I can fucking concentrate again! My energy levels are still shit, but YOU try laying in bed for 4 years and see if you can hop up all motivated and shit! lol
I have actually been picking up my guitar again, nearly every day for about an hour! Yay me! Aaaaaand there’s a problem there as well! (*rolls eyes*) My gut got so fat, that my guitar sticks out so far, that I can’t reach half the shit I used to be able to! The playing has come right back, cept for my picking. That will take me building strength again! I just need to lose this weight first and foremost! I hate being a fat-ass-fatty-fuck!
Anyway, keep your fingers crossed that I’ll be able to lose this weight and get back to it again! Lord knows, I need to do something! What does it say in the Bible? Shit or get off the pot? Something like that…
Today's Thought:
Good things can happen, but they won’t.
Is There Hope...? March 6th, 2024
I had been on opiates for major chronic pain for about 7 years. It worked, but it also came with a ton of side effects that weren't so cool.
One of the side effects was that it lowered my Testosterone levels. A LOT! Like, I went down to 17, when a person my age should be between 300 and 700! Some of the fun things about low Testosterone (in men), is that it greatly reduces your energy levels, desires, and passions. It causes depression to become worse, anxiety levels to rise, and it just LOVES your belly!
I gained over 80lbs in my gut alone! And I look like I'm carrying around a full term manatee! All of that added weight, especially where it is, puts a lot more pressure on my spine. Mainly where my pain comes from. So I haven't been able to stand for more than 30 seconds without being in excruciating pain. Being able to exercise in order to lose weight has been impossible.
Welp, I had been tapering off the opiates for about a year, and I have been opiate free for over a month now! Yay me! I had blood tests done a couple weeks ago, and my Testosterone levels have already jumped into the 120's! My energy levels are rising, passions on the rise, and I'm feeling better mentally. My doc says it will take about 6 months to start noticing my weight going back down, but I'm on the right path! I have actually picked up my guitar(s) a couple times in the past week!
SO, keep your fingers crossed. Or your eyes. Whatever works for you!
